Relations as lessons

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

Sometimes we feel like we need someone to share something with or spend time with. Having company has been taken to mean a lot by most people. In associations, we tend to give one another the emotional support that seems necessary for those who joined the friendship or group. Otherwise, why would they form associations in the first place? Unless they were brought together by financial reasons alone. We have grown dependent on these associations, and sometimes we say that they are our support system.

Every person stands to benefit from the associations that they are part of. There is always an expectation to scratch the other’s back as they did yours. It becomes something obvious as you need no reminder that you should return a hand just as it was given. If you were there for a friend when they needed you, then you would also need them to be there for you when you need them. These associations are used to hold the members ransom. Doing one thing without telling the other partner, or partners will raise eyebrows.

Weekends are prominently spent together, and of course, there are secrets that are held by the group. The group survives because of everybody’s investment in it. Any withdrawal from the group will create an impact that will be felt by everyone. Whether it is financial, or emotional support. Most times when you lose a friend, it threatens your security because you are being pushed out, or away from your comfort zone. Sometimes there are factors that may have changed in the other partner or partners, so you begin to see that you cannot rely on them anymore.

We are trained into having friends from a young age. As much as we may have siblings to play with, there is always an urge to have a friend outside the family. When you are young, you may overlook the background of your friend, maybe because you may not know much, other than just having fun. Children rarely judge their peers, unless they have heard the adults passing judgement. A child would play and hang out with a friend until the parent tells them to avoid the said friend. As you grow older, your parents make it clear that you should stay clear of other kids, because of various reasons that only they are aware of.

The more you study your background through observation, you begin to be picky about friends. Sometimes you may settle on a friendship because you need something from them. Likewise, someone might become your friend because they need something from you. So, it may become a symbiotic relationship, which I think is the nature of most friendships. This bond of friendship becomes so strong to the point that you think that you cannot do the same things you did with your friend, with a different person. Wouldn’t most of us stand with our friends to the end, if they were in some trouble, real or imaginary?

We seem to have other circumstantial friends, and then there is the main one whom we have labeled, best friend. In my observation, some of us have friends whom we would only go shopping with. There are other friends that we only come together with to share some gossip. It is funny though how we spend time gossiping with one another. You tell someone something personal, then it ends up with their best friend. So, the next time you are all meeting as mutual friends, at least everyone knows the other person’s secret. A secret once let out of the keeper’s mouth can never be bound to the recipient. It moves like a plague. Anyway, back to friendships, and perhaps I would now like to tell a bit of my own experience.

There are friends that have stuck with me since childhood. Even though we are not constantly in contact, whenever we meet, our friendship is rekindled by our childhood memories. I know what keeps us together to this day is the experiences that we shared earlier in life. Some friendships were formed later in life as I joined high school, and those were just because we shared a home area, or for most of them, we lived in the same town. So, because we associated with the same town, we became friends. For most of these friendships, we are not in contact at all. I think we outgrew each other immediately after finishing high school.

When I joined the University, I made new friends yet again. They were, of course, majorly made up of my coursemates and roommates, because those were the people that I spent more time with. By the time I was through with campus, I could only count to about five friends. This small number of friends are who I call my best friends. I used to wonder if it was possible to have more than one best friend. The answer came from my own experience. I love my friends the same. If it were possible, I would do for one what I would do for the other. But the fact is that they usually have different needs. As we met in different circumstances, each one of them holds a particular view of me, regarding the circumstance that we met under.

Why did I decide to talk about associations today? I know there are various forms of association, but I chose friendships as an example. The fact is, each person comes into our lives for specific reasons, or let me call them lessons. Once they have taught you a lesson, they will move out of your life. Sometimes there could be a breakup between friends, just to show each one that they can rely on themselves for support. Sometimes these friendships are to tell you that whatever you are going out to look for is within you. That you can give yourself company, and you can also be your own best friend. Some of us just cling to these associations, and the big loss is that at the end of it all, they close their eyes to the lessons therein.

If you do not have a strong personal support system, you may have the feeling that you always need friends. With this energy, you attract friends who will come to teach you a lesson, most likely that you can do it alone too. Sometime back, I used to keep to myself because I did not feel like I needed anyone to share my experiences with. I was so protective of my experience, especially from my early childhood. I thought people would judge me, other than become my friends. I was just ashamed of my experiences. This turned me to be more introverted. Sometimes I would share exaggerated stories to make people think that I was cool.

Nowadays I get amazed by the number of people I pull into my life. I have learned that I should be my true self always because this is what I project to other people. This is what attracts other people, and of course, we are always responsible for whoever, or whatever we attract into our lives. Many friendships that I have been attracting recently are developed just after the first interaction. This is unlike before, where I would take a very long time before pulling people into my circle. I have been able to hold my personal energy, and I openly talk about what I believe in, and my experiences. I rarely hold back. I think it is because I have accepted the lessons that my experiences have brought to me.

I also do not cling to these relationships. I know that there is something that we should learn from each other, and once the lessons have been presented, then each one of us could go our own separate way. I know there is a saying that nobody wants to die alone. This has made people to cling to relations, even those that they need to have let go of already. Look at what your relationship is teaching you. It would not matter if you died with many relations but failed to see them as lessons in your life.

Do you know sticking where you should have let go blocks you from meeting other, supposedly new, relations that are supposed to teach you other things, or take you to the next level in life? Do not just complain about your relations, keep an eye for the lesson that you could pick. Do not make relations just for gossip, or if the gossiping teaches you a lesson, then do it. In any case that is what they are for, to convey a lesson to us at the most opportune time. Observe your relations, dear reader. Namste!

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