In my quest to express myself freely without any bounds or limits, I was led to quit my job. I felt like the time was right to focus on what I had always wanted to do. I also felt like I had waited long enough. Quitting would naturally toss me in the realm of uncertainty, and soon the biggest and most frequent questions in my mind would be, ‘where am I going next, who is going to take care of me, how long would this take me?’ I knew that the time for those questions will come, but I chose to focus more on what I could do just before that time, if it would, that is. Remember, this is uncertain.
The only thing that was so clear, was that I supported myself through the decision fully. I even surprised myself with the increased love that I felt for myself. Now, the challenge would be to let other people know that I had left my job. Not that it was hard to let them know, I knew with all my being that they were never going to understand me, so I postponed the issue of letting them know, and I let nature take its course. I would inform them of my exit when the time felt right.
Here is why I was a little worried about informing my family of my exit. For the time that I have been following my spiritual journey, I have learned that people are afraid in the face of uncertainty. They would rather sit knowing that the decisions that they are making are covered by a very well planned back up. Now, this is what I consider as a representation of fear. Fear can camouflage into anything if we create a conducive environment for it to stay.
When my close my family finally heard that I had left my job, they were worried more than I was. Worried for how I was going to survive, and especially that I had thrown away a lucrative future, for uncertainty that they could not even understand how it was going to pay back. Everybody feels entitled and while it is okay to help someone, do not make it look like without you, they would not have made it. You make it look like they owe you some form of allegiance. This also is fear. Once someone helps you get something, then you become afraid to fail them, and you also seem to have grown dependent on them. Everybody wants to point at somebody that they have helped and say, look that is the effort of my hands, if it were not for me, you would not be where you are right now.
I seem to be talking too much about fear and I have a good reason for it. I guess my whole life has been filled with the energy that is fear. People that do not know the real nature of fear cling to it, but if they did, I am sure they would think it a monster. At this point I am reminded of this question that everybody sings at some point of their life, ‘have you faced your fears yet?’ My dear reader, going back to the future requires that you face your fears. Most would say that life is a journey, while others would disagree. The fact, however, is that there are lessons to be learned. In my life, I have found the biggest lesson to be this that I keep talking about every chance that I get, going back to the future.
Before one faces their fears, they are always so terrified of the consequences. And do you know why? The reason is because this fear does not appear as a monster. No, it appears as the very things that we call consequences, and then there are imaginations of things that have not come to happen yet. We spend so much time imagining what would happen if we made a certain choice, and then the focus is transferred to the imaginary, instead of what we can take charge of, Now. This is all that we can do. The more you worry about the unknown, the more you move away from what you can do, or should be doing.
I have always had a lot to share, but I was filled with a lot of fear of the reception of my message. When I finally decided to make the first step and talk about the message, I gained the courage to do it more. And the more I did it, the more I got more messages, and more ideas of how I could pass the information to other people. Most of us are afraid of the discontinuity of things tied to life, and ultimately the loss of life itself. We are afraid of losing friends, losing our jobs, losing our possessions, losing friends, losing a hand, losing an eye, losing a house, losing a phone. I know the list could be so long, so I leave it there, but the mere thought of loss leaves us devastated. Loss exposes us to the world; the world can then judge us to be either weak or strong.
Ever since I started out on this journey, loss has become nothing but a lesson. I have opened myself to the impermanent nature of the things that we see, the things that we cling to and call mine, yours, ours. The truth is that none of these things are permanent, and fear sets in when we lose anything that we have clung to. Fear sets in even by the mere thought of loss. You begin to ask yourself what it would be like if you did not have this thing, or that person. Going back to the future teaches us to detach, and at the same time focus on enjoying life to the furthest extent that we can take it.
Put your eyes only to the things that you see before your eyes now. Let yourself think about only the people that you see with you now. You do not have control over what can happen in the next moment. You could be jobless or homeless. Do you think the creator would not be able to take care of you then? Remember, it is the same creator who has taken care of you now when you have everything. So, when you seem to be losing everything, maintain the same focus in life and know that all is okay. The lesson is that you know the impermanence of everything.
As we go back to the future, slowly you will notice the short span of time that elapses between the occurrence of events. You would be brushing your teeth and wondering how time has moved so fast. I know most people would say that this is just ‘deja vu’, but when you stay present long enough, you begin to feel like you are doing the same thing repeatedly. And isn’t this the best way to be aware of each moment because every time you will walk out of your house, you will be privy to the details of the moment. Most of us cling to fear, and it then builds a barricade around us, limiting our ability to do what we should do, to achieve what we can achieve.
There were times when I was asked what I wanted to be in the future, and I would put a long list of things, and in between this answer, I would always sense fear telling me, you cannot do that since you have not done this or that. Fear comes in and says that only certain people can do those, and you are not one of them. Immediately after answering these questions, one is left with more doubt than the zeal to achieve. However, if one asked me right now, I would say that I can achieve all that I put my focus on. But the beauty of this is that you can only focus on one true thing. Once you know what it is then you have conquered fear.
Well, there I have said it. Fear is here to be conquered. You must be aware of when it comes up, and you must be ready to overcome it. Fear clouds your judgment and blurs your vision. It has blocked most of us from creating so much. What could possibly go wrong? I believe that everything that happens will be in our favour. Of all the wars that are being fought, fear is usually the winner and the loser. Fear drives you out to defend yourself and the same fear leads the other person to defend themself against you. The only victory over fear is knowing how and when it camouflages in our life. If you can see that, then it will suddenly disappear.
Fear can make one deny and even run away from themself. As we go back to the future, we slowly know how to combat fear and make moves. These are moves that others will see as daring and even drastic, but to you it would be a norm. Once you make that big move against fear, things will be so clear to you always. Dear reader, let us get creating without fear. This is surely the biggest veil between us and the future. There is no tangible barricade and even the years do not matter. You could experience your future now. What are you afraid of? Allow me to borrow a word from Nike, ‘Just do it’. Namaste.