What Is This Life Though?

Photo by Jan Canty on Unsplash

On the discussion of what life is, the doctor will laugh at the priest’s idea of life. The preacher on the other hand will frown on the atheist’s idea of life. The scientist will come to the podium armed with data, and specimen, from their research, to prove their point on their idea of life. The spiritual teacher will be amazed at all these ideas. The teacher might even go further, and say that all the ideas are correct. Because they are just ideas anyway. I would prefer this idea myself. The idea that all ideas are just but ideas.

We have gone so far, or come so far with science looking for proof in everything concerning the origin of life. They have been able to backdate their theories using carbon dating, which is done on living organisms. There are scientists who have dedicated their lives to this adventure. It is tough, since findings, and theories have to be tried against different conditions, and tests before they are accepted as truth.

That is as far as looking for the origin of life goes. I think the idea is to look for the origin of life, then they might be able to conclusively say what life is. We have had so many philosophers coming out with so many theories, for what life might be. There are so many books written by earlier scholars. So many years, yet we have not come up with a conclusive explanation! Every new theory that comes out, is usually an improvement of the first, or it totally disapproves all the preceding theories.

But we continue to live while trying to understand what this life is. Can the mind really fathom what life is? I feel like this will be too much to fathom. This is like trying to explain who you are. The most you can ever say about yourself, are those that you were taught, or told by your parents, or the adults in whose care you were. We can all go up to conception with this explanation, but beyond that, we can hardly say or explain.

Sometimes, it feels like life has put you in a position where it is only the observer that can try to explain it. But even then, their explanation will be limited to only how much they can see, or perceive. Our eyes cannot see germs, or atoms, and we depend on microscopes for that. These things that we observe under microscopes, do not tell us about themselves, but we make our observation, and ultimately form a conclusion based on the observation.

Two years ago, just after reading several books that opened my mind to things that are regarded as cultic, I decided to question life. I thought I would stop reading other people’s theories, and just get to learn by myself. So, I stopped believing in everything that I had learned, especially about God. Whenever I saw something written, or said about God, I asked, ‘what is this God’. I began to play with my mind, or my mind began to play with me, and I wondered whether I was alive, or not. I asked myself how sure I was, that I was not already dead. I mean, how does one know that they are alive? They say that dead men tell no tales, but maybe it is only them who know what it is to not be alive anymore.

We could be seeing things, or hearing things, but we are not really alive. Sometimes, I sat down, and thoughts crossed my mind, and I asked myself if I was still on the same earth that I was born in. I asked if the people that I was seeing, were the same people that I had known all my life. I usually got scared, I thought one day I would finally come to find that I had been dead for a very long time. Is it not a fact that you only know that you are no longer alive when your heart stops? Everything else that happens after that is a mystery to the mind. I pushed my mind to the wall with so many questions about my reality. I began to have visualizations of myself. It was like I was on a higher plane, and I was viewing my live self on earth, like It happens in dreams. This had also happened to me the few times that I had smoked marijuana. The more I did it, the more I was afraid.

I asked myself, ‘what if I am not alive, and I did not live the life that I wanted?’ How would I know the difference between life and death? I felt like my life was constant and not moving at all. This lack of motion drove me into fear. But I still pushed on with the questions. The one thing that did not stop appearing to me was God. I kept wondering how this was still appearing when I had already questioned and almost denied its existence too.

After going around in circles, I felt like my life was in turmoil. Life was not so interesting, because I did not see the importance of living anymore. I just didn’t see the difference between life, and death, because I knew neither of them. The act of life did not have life in it anymore. What has one got to lose if they do not feel attached to any experience? I had locked myself in my own world. Of course, I did not share my questions and adventure with anyone. To them, everything seemed okay. The more reason I told myself that even they, could not really tell if one was dead, or alive. We could all be in the same pit, and none of us would notice, because everything would be running smoothly, right?

When I felt so lost beyond redemption, I used my last card. I asked God to use me, and tell me what I was going to do. I said, ‘Dear spirit, please show me what I need to do’. Every time I asked this question, I was filled with so much emotion. It was a feeling that I did not have the right words to explain. I had felt like this before, but this time it was different. It was more. The state of emotion made me cry so much, and I felt like I could not fight it, it was not like I wanted to fight it either. I just couldn’t resist.

How can something be filled with so much love, and at the same time make you cry so much? That was also perplexing. But I felt with my whole heart, that this was where my answers were. It actually felt like my answers had already been answered. I had already stopped using the name God, Spirit made sense to me. God seemed like it had some limits, it was too attached to the old knowledge that did not resonate with me anymore. It was not hard to drop the title and pick one that resonated, they are all titles anyway, it’s just got to do with resonance.

After this experience that I have obviously not described in full detail, I felt like I had a sense of peace to question everything. The answers were not in form of fear, rather, they got me to continue to ask more questions. Each question was answered with another bigger question, and I knew that I was in flow. There was no resistance to this pace and path. From then on, I opened myself to other adventures of life, and I accepted all the knowledge that came to me. I began to pick on things and looked at them meticulously. Only then did I choose what to believe, and make my truth.

I have not come up with an explanation as to what life is, but I know what it is. Anybody that tries to explain what life is, and starts the explanation with, ‘life is this or life is that’, will end up stating, or saying something that will lead to more seeking. Life simply Is. There is no more that can be taken from that, and no more that can be added to it. There is no explanation that can convince you, and make you understand what life is. It will be as per the experience that you are having right now. Yet there are so many words that come close to it, but still, it seems like the light asking where its source is. Just by asking that question, then it is like one has pressed the play button. From this point,, there comes infinite possibilities for what life might be.

Can you really know yourself, and write your own story from the time and point of your origin? I eventually decided that instead of reading, or watching other people give their opinion on what life is, I would instead go and find out for my own sake, through experience. Of course, experiences are also tied to an individual. They are not the same for all. For those who keep searching, they will continue to get infinite possibilities.

Once you try to settle for one, you realize that it introduces you to another thing that promises a more accurate answer. This is a maze.  Every time you think that you have figured it out, you have just left one possible path to join another possible path. Perhaps the interesting question would be, ‘how do you get to the source’? But even that has infinite possibilities. You will get to the source when you get to the source. All the plans are useless, although useful to you, the mastermind. So why don’t you just play? But what is this life though? Namaste.

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