The Drive To Belong To A Group.

one black chess piece separated from red pawn chess pieces
Photo by Markus Spiske from Pexels

It is quite natural for us to form connections through relationships, according to my observation. Most of us feel safe when in relationships. So much so that we feel lonely when not in one. It explains why people are always jumping, from one relationship to another, because they fear being alone too long, this is concerning relationships with the opposite sex. I have heard people openly say that their partner is stronger, and is the one that holds the relationship together.

It feels good when we are around family, and friends, there is a sense of security, and protection that comes with it. They say that family looks after its own, right? So, your family would not let you suffer without finding a way to help. For this reason, people fear ruining these close relationships. To them, if they lose their relationship, then their whole life has come to shambles. In other words, they have become dependent on other people. On the other hand, some people say that it is easier for strangers to help one, more than it is for close friends and family. So, by this, it seems that relationships, and connections, are affected, and influenced by different factors. There is never a blueprint for a perfect relationship, is there?

I have seen a few people who say that they like to spend time alone. They say that there is a sense of peace that they enjoy when they are alone. A sense of privacy where you are not interacting with anyone else, but yourself. To these people, I believe, they are their best company. They rarely feel the need to be with other people. Perhaps, they have realized that they have whatever they would otherwise be going to look for, in other people. It could be said that they have a strong personality, or that they are balanced, and feel complete.

There are a few balanced individuals that I have come across in life. Most people are always going around looking for groups that they can hang around. Most people identify with groups, more than they do with themselves. The groups seem to drive them, or give them the motivation they need, to live. To these people, they have multiple personalities that are defined by other people’s personalities. They will be telling you such things as, ‘you have not met the crazy me when I am with my friends’, or ‘we are so crazy when we are together’. Individually, they do not seem to have a personality. They do not understand themselves.

I have seen people who ran to form groups as soon as they learned something new, just because they wanted to teach others about it. Others think that in groups, it is easier to learn something.  I have been taught that, if weak people join to form a group, then it does not form a strong group, rather, it is a group of chaos. This is to mean; weakness does not disappear, just because you have joined groups with other weak people. It is a group of weak people.

In my life, I have been able to see the connections within myself more than I did when I was in groups. In groups, there is always copying what other people are doing. This leads people to fear testing their potential. People become afraid of going against the rules of the group, or the group leader. So, competition is also another thing. One person who performs better than others, will always be given precedence over others.

The biggest strides that I have made in life have been those that I have done alone. Alone, I have the freedom to go to my full potential. There is no limit to the extent at which my ability goes. Alone, I have the freedom to question anything. I always know that I will face the consequences for only the choices that I make, and not for others. I am always in charge of my decisions, and the pace at which my growth goes. I do not have the pressure to compare with other people. The influence is not as much as it would be, if I were in a group.

People are always blinded by the group’s visions, manifestos, and beliefs. The members end up quoting writings that they most of the time, do not understand the meaning. Individually, I see a sense of security and safety in myself. I know that the choices I make are for my highest good. If I do not understand my full potential, how will I learn this in a group where things are controlled? How can I be yelling, ‘yes’, to every statement that someone has said, just because I belong to this group? How can I join a group, just because of the mere statement that, I do not want to die alone?

I would only agree to join a group if I wanted to manifest something faster. That is; if we have the same goal and desire to achieve a certain outcome. I do not think spending a long time in groups helps me to know myself more than I can, by myself. How can I contribute something to a group, if I do not know its full extent on me first?

Before one joins a group, they should be able to understand themselves, and know what they stand for. Another thing to consider is, knowing the purpose of the group. Some people were taken to some groups when they were young, and have never really questioned why they belong in certain groups, or relations. Just like a teacher gets to learn, and understand their craft first before they begin to teach, it is equally important for one to know themselves before they join a group.

Seek solace in yourself, before you do in other people. Be a refuge unto yourself, before you seek it from other people. Groups can achieve a lot, but that will always be associated with the group. What about you, the individual? What can you achieve? What are your abilities? Can you leave that group having known yourself, and with the ability to teach others to know themselves? I do not believe that it is a must for one to belong to a group, for them to learn something, and feel safe. There is so much that one can learn in solitude.

People just underestimate themselves too much. There is so much that you can do alone. If you ask me, it is better to be alone, and free, rather than having to depend on a group. Namaste.

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