woman forming heart with both hands

First Love.

woman forming heart with both hands
Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Do you wish it was any different? A lot of things can, and have been said about you. At a younger age, I was given a nickname that implied that I was slow at everything that I did. I was constantly compared with other kids who were faster, and some of them were younger than I was.

Of course, I was always disturbed by this impression, but as much as I tried, I could not change. Later, I decided to turn the ‘slow’ impression around. Whenever I was told that I was slow, I added the phrase ‘but sure’. So, in my head, I always told myself that, ‘I am slow but sure’. I had to love myself, and accept myself that way, because otherwise, I would have been so hard on myself, just to impress others.

Sometimes, we go through a lot of pressure from the public, and we put this pressure on ourselves. It always has something to do with their opinion of us. Please bear in mind that your opinion should matter, first. Love yourself through all this, and be easy on yourself. You are responsible for what you see in the mirror. Whether you made the choice consciously, or unconsciously.

There are those who consider outward opinions concerning their body. So they keep feeling that they are not in the right body. The body has done its part, and will always communicate to you, what it requires. If you listen, then you will not be in a position to want to change yourself. The body talks to us all the time, but we do not normally pay attention. Is the body, then an expression of what we think of ourselves? How about what we eat? If you really want to make a change, it must begin with love, love for who you are, then for what you want to be.

In the gospel of Thomas, Jesus says, “in the beginning was the world, if you bring forth what is within you, that which is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not find will destroy you”.

The quote above, according to my interpretation, implies that we all have a unique gift within us, and when we become aware of it, we set ourselves ‘free’.  Talking about love specifically. If one does not become aware of the love within, then they can spend a lot of time looking for love externally, and eventually not find it. The key to experiencing love from the external environment, is by first experiencing internal love. This is the love that is ready for one to find, yet they are lost, searching for it outside of themselves.

We grew up in a society that has normalized external gratification. Most of the things we do, we do to please others, and put ourselves last. Yet we should put ourselves as the first priority in everything that we do. One should focus to work on themselves before trying to please others. How can you give to another what you do not have? Before one gives company to another, they should first be their best companion. Such cannot happen, if you do not know yourself to the core, for how do you love that which is unknown to you? The first step to self-love, therefore, becomes self-actualization. Then acceptance will follow.

We spend our lives running away from ourselves, trying to learn the external environment, pretending to know so much about ourselves. We then forget to come back inside, home. Where it all began. What we are talking about here is unconditional love. This is Source love. If you love yourself so much, then you would not judge yourself. You will then not need to get love from outside, to feel loved.

When self-love flows within you, then your personal needs are balanced. Can one have a conversation with themselves as much as with others? Can one consult themselves, and even be brutally honest with themselves first, having then come to the realization that they cannot lie to themselves? If one does not come to the realization of inner love, then the state of imbalance will always be present. They go out for love, they find what they think is love, only to realize that it is not what they are looking for. This unending search is what one does to themselves, either knowingly, or unknowingly. It will only come to an end when the one searching stops and goes within.

Love yourself unconditionally, and be gentle with yourself through all circumstances. It is okay to process what other people think, or say about you, but at the end of the day, the choice is yours, for how much importance you put on their opinion. Will you love yourself for the choices you make? Namaste.

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